Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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