I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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