Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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