i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
