dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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