If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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