i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
