Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
