I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
