you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
