im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
