3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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