birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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