I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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