The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
