I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
