It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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