Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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