Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
