Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
