He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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