I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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