guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
