if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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