apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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