I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
