He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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