Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
