I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Someone came in the potted fern
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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