Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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