So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
