You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
do nipples grow back?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
