it was like his penis was on wheels.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
