Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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