i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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