Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
