There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
