Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
