I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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