so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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