I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if only i could text you this smell
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wear drunk well.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
