I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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