I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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