He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
