Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
