...so i touched it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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