the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
