this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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