Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
