Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
