At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
