And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
