And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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