I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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