remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can I color on your dick again?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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