The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
