your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
