Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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