why didn't you poke me back
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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