he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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