Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
