Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
