Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You made out with two different species that night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
