Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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