i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wear drunk well.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize