we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
